Rob Smith returns: The Top 10 Ways To Tell You've Watched Too Much Glenn Beck

To be honest, I’ve been catching up with too much stuff that I’ve neglected elsewhere to be bothered tending to this blog right away. Thankfully I’ve got mates. Rob Smith gives me a break in his third guest appearance at Thinkers’ Podium.

Hi again everyone. I’m Rob, if you don’t know or remember me. The theology student from STFU with a charity for neglected greyhounds.

I’ll forgive you for forgetting me because it’s been so long since my last post, not because Jesus whispers in my ear that I should. (Seriously, where do you atheists get this stuff?)

The Top 10 Ways To Tell You’ve Watched Too Much Glenn Beckrob_smith

By

Rob Smith

Okay. This Glenn Beck guy. I don’t deny the subjective truth of his beliefs, it’s just that subjectively, they don’t seem true to me. They seem to me to be batshit crazy.

I thought I’d introduce a bit of levity to this blog, to help Bruce unwind after what seems like a stressful period. Glenn Beck provides said levity.

Now, enough jibber-jabber and on to the meat of this post.

The Top 10 Ways To Tell You’ve Watched Too Much Glenn Beck

10. When you go to a restaurant, you can’t read the menu because it’s not on a whiteboard.

9. When you got to a restaurant, you can’t be seated next to someone not the colour of a whiteboard.

8. You can no longer tell the difference between the pilgrims and the founding fathers.

7. All the kids in the store are scared away by your bulging eyes when you see the words “Happy Holidays”.

6. You take extra sunscreen on your holiday south of Tijuana, so that your pals in the Minutemen won’t shoot you when you get back.

5. You think Chuck Norris can act, and that Delta Force was really quite good.

4. You dread the day that gay marriage evolves to become airborne, even though you don’t believe in evolution.

3. You ponder if atheist summer camps are really recruiting stations for FEMA Death Camps.

2. You donate to a charity to take care of Sarah Palin’s pets after the rapture takes her away.

And the number one way to tell that you’ve watched too much Glenn Beck is…

1. Timothy McVeigh starts looking like a freedom fighter.

Badoom-tish. (That’s “Badoom”, not Kaboom!)

Enjoy yourselves, people.

~ Rob Smith

Editor’s Note: Glenn Beck fans can send their mail bombs to Rob Smith at…

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s